Irish times newspaper dating

Here is wide selection of Irish jokes, from the dry to the dumb.

One of the great Irish traits is their ability to make fun of themselves and they have perfected the trait.

Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. Mc Quillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips. " Sean replied, "I'm not..fish come here fer shelter."O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. " "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation."Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?

Why don't you come back at about seven-thirty, and we'll continue where we left off? Yours is big enough that ye need four fingers to hold it."O'Rourke, the barber, was hearing complaints from his present trimmee about the price of barbers' services. You probably held your own in your youth, but when you get to your mid-forties, your body just isn't up to that any more. I was thinkin' perhaps me problem was me masturbatin'."As the years went by, Big Mick Lonegan just couldn't perform the way he used to.

"I tell you, O'Rourke, these New York barbers gotta stranglehold on the citizens. His doctor told him that it was normal for a man's sexual drive to decrease with advancing years, but Big Mick wasn't having any.

Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road.

To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.

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